Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Nick Saban is an Awesome Motivator

Nick Saban is an asshole. Pretty much everyone that follows college or pro football knows this. He's arrogant, abrasive, self-aggrandizing, and constantly carries himself with that disingenuous "I'm not here to be your friend, I'm here to win FOOTBALL GAMES" attitude that leads to simple-minded/glowing puff pieces. (ED note: After all, if your coach is an asshole, he must be good, right? Signed, Gregg Williams]. Saban is such a dick that he provides common ground between myself and Miami Dolphins fans, and I hate those douchebags.

That said, the man has been a very successful college coach over the course of his career. However, the next time I hear anything about him being a "master motivator" or some such shit, this article is going to be the first thing I think of.

I knew it was going to be good when the headline read: "Saban cites 9/11, Pearl Harbor to Motivate Players."

From the man himself:

"Changes in history usually occur after some kind of catastrophic event," Saban said during the opening remarks of his weekly news conference. "It may be 9-11, which sort of changed the spirit of America relative to catastrophic events. Pearl Harbor kind of got us ready for World War II, or whatever, and that was a catastrophic event."

You know, "sort of"...."or whatever." Jackass. I'd love to hear what David Cross would say about this.

Why is Alabama paying this assclown $5 million a year? If they wanted hilariously manipulative/stupid motivation for their football players, they could have gotten a video of Jim Blutarsky off YouTube for free:


Stork said...

What the hell's he supposed to say, you moron?

Wade Garrett said...

Reason #243 why I hate Nick Saban: this passage from The Blind Side, describing Nick Saban's visit to the Tuohy house to recruit All-American left tackle Michael Oher:

"The Nick Saban arrived. Whatever damage LSU had done to its reputation with Micahel on his visit to the place was immediately forgotten - at least by Leigh Anne (Michael's adoptive mother). Saban came into the house in his Armani suit and Gucci dress shoes and made a point of being polite to every single person in the room. Then he looked around, as if soaking in every last detail of the Olde English and Country French furnishings, and said, 'What a lovely home. I just love those window treatments.'
"I just love those window treatments. He didn't say, "I just love the way you put together the Windsor valences with the draw drapes," but he might as well have. Right then Leigh Anne decided that if Nick Saban wasn't the most polished and charming football coach in American, she was ready to marry whoever was. 'I happen to think that Nick Saban is a VERY good-looking man.' She said.
"'You staying?' Michael asked, offhandedly.
"There were rumors in the air that Saban was being offered NFL jobs. There was no point in going to LSU to play football for the incredibly charming Nick Saban if Nick Saban wasn't going to be there. 'I've been offered several NFL head coaching jobs since I've been at LSU," replied Saban, 'and haven't taken one yet.' The nhe left and Collins (Michael's adoptive sister) turned to Leigh Anne and said, 'That was a GREAT political answer.' (Three weeks later, the Miami Dolphins announced Nick Saban as their new head coach.)"

Oh, how I despise that man.